Back to the Shit Slinging

25 09 2008

Well, I guess it’s actually pasta slinging, but so long as my income is determined by the generosity of total strangers, in my mind, it will always be shit.  Chunky, stinky, runny shit.  Brown, greenish-brown, sometimes even red.

(Where’s that damned eek emoticon when I need it?)

So yes, ’twas my first day earning money in the Golden State, and I must say that it went well.  Nice clientele, appropriate tips, no weasely comments on my tiny morsel of an accent.  I give it two days before one of my tables calls me out on the “y’all” thing.  Hey, I may be from the South, but at least I have sense enough not to wear fur-lined boots in 80-degree weather.

So, what to yap about in my first REAL blog entry?  Nothing really stood out today, other than the ever-encroaching sense of financial demise from this shitstain of an economy we’re kicking.  I applied for a second job this afternoon.  Seriously, the more I think about it, and the more my Mocha Man explains things in layman’s terms, the more I want to pack up and move to Belize or Micronesia or something.  Hell, damn near everybody speaks English in Hong Kong…  Anybody with me?   We can take over an island entirely populated by Pygmies and dub it the People’s Republic of Grits-n-Tits.


Dear God, y’all.

23 09 2008

Holy Monkeystink, it’s been a long time!!!  I think there might have been a Democrat in the Oval Office the last time I dust off this thang!!!

Srsly, though, forgive my silence.  My life has turned upside down and all around and done the effin’ Hokey Pokey over the past few months.  I moved over 2,000 miles away to the Land of Perpetual Sunshine and Ugg Boots.  I’m completely in love with the most amazing guy in this hemisphere (and the other one, too).  I’m looking at going to grad school, I’m a morning person now, I enjoy cleaning the house and being all wifey…

Don’t ask me, I don’t know how it happened.  Anyway, the point is that I’m alive, I’m writing, and I’ve got a whole helluva lot to say.  So strap in, strap on, and get out yer Maalox, cuz it’s ON, muddafriggahs.

The Bitch is Back.

Turn Your Head and Cough, World.

16 11 2007

As promised, here it is: the debut of Grits, Tits, and Oven Mitts. As I learn navigation rules, turn signals, parallel parking and whatnot of the blogosphere, things will get more complex and kick-ass around here. But since I am a mere fledgling, a tadpole swimming about in search of the tiniest morsel of knowledge and competence regarding wtf I’m doing here, it’s pretty simple at the moment.

If you don’t like that, refer to the title of this post.